my travels

So I went to the east coast just before my birthday. It was awesome yeah, I ate a philly cheesesteak in Philly saw the rocky statue and drank a lot of beer. I went to some museums and saw the famous bell. Then I went to Boston and vermont, both very cool in very different ways. Everyone wants to know if I am moving ....I have no idea.

I got back the day before my bday this is some photos from Sushi at Samurai. So as far as me moving to vermont to watch my boyfriend read for three years...I dunno we do have a lot of fun and I keep trying to find things wrong with him, but he's pretty cool and we are good together so I will see how the summer goes.

shedding my skins

I am shedding my skins...well not literally but, in the Freudian sense I am. I have listed my home for sale, yes the very home that has housed me for almost two years that I have stressed about obtaining, purchasing, and now paying for. Its for the best (right?). Well anyway its the single most stressful thing in my life and I am shedding the past and preparing for my future no matter where that takes me. Change and adaptability are my new tools of the trade. Today I feel relief much like that of last year when I changed brokers partners and ideals, relief that things might become a little simpler a little more relaxed and slightly better than before. I am shedding the life before and making new strides forward to the new life with all its possibilities. Its freeing, to say the least. Well any way options abound and life is constantly paving the way for me and I just take what comes and throw it onto my back and carry on through. So there we were.

My BF Cara and I soaking in the Hot springs in Krimmeling, CO so fun.

This was Scott and I in Breckenridge, CO at the international ice sculptures contest. It was about 2 degrees. I think I might like him...

Colorado was awesome however, next trip is the beach and surfing.

New years

New years was great it was absolutley magical. I was with good people with great drinks and dancing and lacking drama which is always good. I made my resolutions simple, to be happy to be healthy, to be me even if that feels hard or my objections get stuck in my throat and as I try to find my voice it shakes I will still represent me truly. I feel as if this year will be an adventure that my life will take turns I dont expect. That by manifesting my dreams they will in fact come true. This is my ultimate goal to write more to feel more to live more for me for the life that I dream of. This is my manifestation my mantra. That I finally have become content with my skin my face my body and my mind. The most empowering thing about acceptance is the ability to let go.

trainwreck

When the world has gone black and the devils on your back. There's no where to turn and worlds are going to burn and the sun is gone and the moon shines on and everything is dark and people walk with their shoes inside out and that place that was once happy is now sad. when you live in a world f hypocrisy and you cant find your democracy and that title that was given seems to have lost its meaning and that pat on the back seems like a knife in your side and the world you once saw has lost its draw and the place that you live isn't a place after all. The illusion you seek only makes you weak. On the day you were born you were given a decision and you lost your way through the sickness and decay. Can you come out on top when your down at the bottom. does your body go on when your mind has forgotten. Do you feel the speed of a generation of greed can you fill the holes that pollute your soul. did you become blind in your quest for perfection or did just question your reasons for discretion. And as you sit do you wish you were once where you were when you had just begun. Can your mind handle the tragedy of living that calamity. do you rush rush till its all a bust did you steal the wheel to turn the tide of your infinite demise or did you finally get what was wrong and not right. Today my friends is the day of light. refresh the mind embrace your soul see the toll your body has taken to find the forsaken. can you relate to a world held hostage by hate or do you just sit and wait till its staring at you from your dinner plate. When does it end your apathy when your only care is geography. do you believe with the believers, the changers, the thinkers, the seers, the doers, not the takers, the shakers, the money makers. embrace the poets, the writers, artists, the music, and feel the revolution of a world asleep and a nation under a spell of destruction and hate don't lie down with a dog to wake up with fleas. Don't roll over till its up to your knees. patience is a virtue but apathy is a trait. So wake up to a notion that you drank some strange potion your asleep at the wheel with the devil driving and his shape may fool you he could be a politician just don't give in to that rendition and turn to watch the light come on and the hour still and that is all I can say about letting the wrongers be right.

The newness of you

I am going to my parents for much needed solitude and refreshment. I need the comfort of my mothers quips and strange advice and her need to feed me food she does not make (which is very good) and to take me shopping. Sometimes I wish I could go back to simple things and not complicate my life to the point of insanity. I keep thinking all I have to do is to make it through this year and things will be better; and then I realize that better or worse it will still be something I must deal with something that will eat at me, tell me I am wrong and force me to see the change in my life and to actually force the steps to make the change. Well upwards and onward

Hello,

Today goes as follows: Freak out due to money, life, family, random obligations, money, money, did I say money.

I pictured a life far different from the one I view in the mirror. I wonder if its not about achieving the expectation of the "dream" or knowing that the dream itself is merely an illusion. No matter what it appears to be the end result will nonetheless be surprising in one way or another. That my Friends is shortened into my parents favorite saying..."Life is just not Fair Fawne" get used to it. My question is how...its not the why its the how. Today I ponder the entire way in which we bustle about ignoring primal instincts and random thoughts meant to challenge our ways of life the why is abstract its estranged from us. It is the how that eludes me that makes me question everything that I took with a spoonful of sugar shh don't rock the boat don't question just keep drudging along.

The entrance

Okay. hi there and hello its that time of year again that I love (secretly) shhh! I do hate Christmas music though but I adore everything else. It is snowing today I actually think it might stick (crazy). I often wonder why the snow makes people a little more sensitive, nicer, and just plain cuddly. So this is my first holiday I am excited for in a long time. I wish my sister would come to Tahoe and visit. Wishful thinking.... I am stuck trying to get my tree picked especially for me by my nearly turned 13 year old buddy Sara Benedict. It is somewhere off Shoshone in the woods most likely covered in Snow and home to a squirrel family Griswold style. Well as this is my first entrance I will sign off by saying that this is going to be a great year. The year of the Fawne. (bet you didn't know the deer was in Chinese astrology.