Golf Ball

I swallowed a golf ball

I know you didn’t think I could do it all

I did it and I swallowed it all the whole thing

it sat in my chest for a year or two

Just like I knew it would do

then it fell a bit lower

I thought it would get stuck and just call it a day

but then it found another place to stay

it sat in my belly even when I ate jelly and jam sandwiches

even after I threw fits

there it sat growing fat

that’s when it got angry and mean

so flashlight in hand Dr Norman took a stand

he lassoed it up and tied it around and cauterized it

so then when I awoke

he laughed and made jokes "that was the biggest golf ball Ive seen so far!"

I swallowed a golf ball...its not very silly at all...

Icky little golf ball....

My cat's name is Mamas

In my hasty departure over a year ago to San Francisco. I had no where to live in the city with my cat Mamas, so mamas went to live with one of my oldest friends Jamie. I visited often and wore a cloak of guilt for abandoning my pet.

I picked Mamas up from Jamie's House on Sunday night and she has yet to leave my side its comforting she has been the only steady companion of mine these last 11 years. I have to admit she is pretty cute.

In order to tell the story of why her name is Mamas I will have to go back to when I was 19...man I am really glad that I made it to 30 remembering my early 20's. I found mamas in a dumpster on 28th and P St in downtown Sacramento. I would go in after work and get burritos and there were all these kittens and cats behind the burrito place. As I kept going in I finally decided to befriend this cat she was kind of fat and really friendly so I scooped her up and took her home. I named her Bula, which means hello or welcome in Fiji. No Idea why I knew that then or why I decided on that name.

All my friends and boyfriend at the time said she was pregnant and I kept saying 'no way she is just fat she lives on mexi food...duh'. About two weeks into cat adoption I came home from the bar at around 3 am to find my cat panting and pushing kittens out on my sofa. Freaked I made her a makeshift bed to have the babes and she popped out four I am almost positive I had passed out next to her worried. She had two girls and two boys one boy was orange and I named him Felix. There were two twin black cats with piercing blue eyes I named the girl Valdus and the boy Animus. The other girl was just like Bula a tortoise shell but she had a soft orangeish patch on her head that looked like a star and so I named her.

The kittens were fun and exhausting and after 6 weeks they got homes all seemly good ones. So during the whole kitten fiasco and subsequently getting called mama cat for two months Bula became mamas. She has stayed Mamas and I get made fun of occasionally for the silly name, but she only comes to mamas.

In the words of William S Burroughs..."The cat does not offer services. The cat offers itself. Of course he wants care and shelter. You don't buy love for nothing. "

By the way as I am writing this post my Mamas is snoring loudly behind me...Im glad she is home.